THERE’S HOPE BEYOND YOUR SPLINTERED MIND

What is this feeling? The queasiness, the pain, the guilt- it isn’t real yet it engulfs us.

Happiness is an emotion, so is sadness and anxiety yet the latter are frowned upon.

The ones that mask it well and are able to handle things also collapse, the weak succumb, the tough fight…. This is a myth. It is a disease- a tragically, frightening truth. Anyone can succumb and everyone can fight

We all go through life’s ups and downs- we’re created to be tough. As a man, you can’t melt under pressure, as a woman or worse/better still as a mother, you automatically should be strong—we’ve heard this all. You have no time to allow yourself to fall.

Why this cut throat competition? Why the unnecessary quest to win- to succeed- to be at the top?

‘Log kya kahenge?’ Yeah- what will people say?

You haven’t done your home assignment, you woke up late, you only want to play…. Why stress about so much from so young. Why can we not teach our kids to learn to implement and grow as humans, not study to pass.

I heard kids in my child’s e-class repeatedly ask teachers about their e-books on Day 1. Parents are dismayed on missing 'e-P.E'. When was the last we asked our children to play, run, skip and tell them it was okay to lose, when was the last time we taught them Essential Life Skills like teamwork, self-esteem, unconditional love, trust, kindness, being helpful, forgiveness not forgetting open COMMUNICATION. 

Have we ever told them that it’s okay to pursue hobbies and dreams, not only English, Math and Science? Have we advised them that it is important to at least try, that they may fail and it is perfectly fine to fail, what is important is the effort, determination, focus and the will to finish and learn.

Why are good looks, clear, fair skin, tall, straight hair, standing first, always winning the only important things.

Let children learn while having fun, they are slow and not as focused, they take their time to cope, let’s not pull them down when we can push them. Teach them to fail because life is full of failure, teach them to lose yet not to give up, to be resilient. Teach them UNCONDITIONAL LOVE- not you were good today, you did your assignment, no complains, you ate your food, so I love you….. Save them from this most dreaded mental illness that eats into more people than cancer

Adults can’t cope any better what with the stress to be on the top. The anxiety and stress may lead to depression in most cases.

It is okay to seek help, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. We aren’t ashamed of diabetes or High Blood Pressure then why are we ashamed of Depression? All we need is to be there, to be the ear- to listen to people when they are anxious and help them, be the shoulder to lean on, even cry on. Be the hand to hold them, be their reason to smile. Let them know you’re there and you care before it is too late…..and most times--- it is too late….

The reasons for depression may be many or none that we’re aware of, it may seem like one has a perfect life and we tend to mock them when we know that they are depressed- don’t stigmatize them, it is possible to be depressed. One falls ill whether they’re rich or poor- similarly, one may suffer depression whether rich or poor.

To all you wonderful people out there suffering from extreme stress, anxiety, or depression- Remember, it’s okay to feel limp, crippled, low on energy and unable to cope up. It is the most trying time that can seem like it may never end, to cry at length, to feel incapable of handling anything---however, it will end. What is important is to understand that this is normal and to get help- psychiatric help, psychological help. GO GET MEDICAL HELP!

And remember, it is not because of you. You are not the reason it has happened.

Go out and find help today! Help is just a call away, a message away.

·         Fight! This time to win and conquer the demons in your head!

·         Fight! Because you are strong!

·         Fight! Because you are wonderful and worthy of this life and you deserve to live. Because you get to live this life just once and you have to make the most of it, cease this opportunity and battle your fear!

All we ever need is to love and feel loved, to feel cared for, to know that one is there in case the other thinks they may fall, appreciation. Sometimes just to be acknowledged, accepted and listened to…

LOVE,

LEARNING- Make your commitment today

It’ been a while since I’ve written and today on Tangible Tuesdays, I thought what better than kick-start the onset of monsoon by writing.

I’m going to start with a quote- ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’ which means great works cannot be done in a hurry. It takes time to create great things. The architectural beauty of Rome didn’t show up overnight thereby teaching us that patience, hard work, determination and persistence are some keys to achievement.

I’m sure you’re wondering where I’m headed to or what I’m trying to get to… While this proverb can teach us much learning, today I’m going to write on something I always emphasize on-the term ‘LEARNING’ itself!

I know you may wonder about the connection to the proverb. So, let me join the dots for you.

Learning is a journey and cannot be achieved in a day. It is a continuous process and must go on.

A lot of times, we are complacent and refuse to upgrade, yes, I use the word refuse- because we don’t think it is important and think the years behind us that bring in experience are enough which is probably okay however it may not let us grow. We tend to close our avenues to growth- physically and mentally. People with a fixed mindset are unable to acknowledge or come to terms with change. They tend to get defensive while receiving feedback and encounter more obstacles that they may struggle to overcome.

Just like Rome wasn’t built in a day- learning doesn’t encompass formal education alone which when complete leads to growth and success. It is on-going and requires one to constantly learn and upgrade. Challenge thoughts, look for alternatives and solutions, and push yourself till you find the answer, don’t allow yourself to rest, and don’t settle for mediocre when you’re capable of better.

Focus on short-term wins that bring tangible results while keeping your eye on the big picture.

By making learning a continuous cycle, you will-

1-    Continue to grow- When you quest to learn, you will inch toward growth.

2-    Enhance creativity- Learning enhances creativity as you will not stop at anything and will always look for ways to be better than your previous self. It stretches the imagination to think beyond and perceive things in a new light to generate solutions.

3-    Welcome failure and you’ll find the ability to bounce back- With learning, comes the need to try and implement new things which may lead to failure. With failure, emerges the opportunity to learn.

4-    Upgradation- In this competitive age, people invest thousands in studying- good schools, colleges, classes for those plump jobs and fat salaries. On getting those positions, most people forget to continue learning, and don’t remember that nothing lasts forever thereby becoming redundant. So, to grow, one needs to constantly upgrade and this comes in from continuous learning.

5-    Expand your horizons- Learning expands your horizons and allows you to think beyond. It allows you think in a different light, through a different lens and allows for a paradigm shift if required.

    Learning is after all a beautiful cycle that only betters our curve in an upward direction if we embrace it.

    So, let’s make learning a natural part of our life. Let’s pledge to learn one new thing every day from anything and anybody. Let’s not let complacency set in; let’s pledge to grow not for materialistic gains but for our personal understanding and success. And just like Rome, we can be magnificent with a brilliant outcome if we strive to learn.

THE LIGHT WITHIN US…NOT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

THE LIGHT WITHIN US…NOT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

This thing called the virus or more famously called the Covid-19 may have steered in panic even so, surprisingly there’s calm within all of us- emotionally and spiritually. We’re unsure of supplies or cash or what lies in the morrow…yet; the peace we feel is unmeasured. I’m sure we haven’t felt this quiet, relaxed and peaceful in a long time. In spite of not knowing how we’ll bounce back the smiles within are warm.

I’m sure we’ve used this time to engage or re-engage with people we’ve lost connect with, picked up a hobby, learnt a new skill, upgraded ourselves, got better at what we already know and if you haven’t then what are you waiting for? You still have the time, so get going NOW!

I had a lot of plans in the first week of the lockdown just like the ones I’ve mentioned above, reading and learning being on the top of the list, however a fresh outpour of work has kept me on my toes. Work has always been our primary focus in recent times, so this time around I worked on my curiosity and never-ending quest to LEARN, for one, I’ve upgraded one of weakest skills and the one I prefer to shy away from- creating dynamic PowerPoint Presentations and realized it is indeed interesting though time consuming, another 2 certificates up my sleeve, and a few random thoughts that will materialize by the end of this quarter.

Spending a lot of fun time with the family, walks and spot jumping at home, board games, foosball, spring cleaning and oops.. following the world—cooking, not home chef yet, however trying my hand at dishing out delicacies (sometimes) and experiments that are forced down the kind throats (most times ;))

Family time in the evening is a board game of Ludo most days and just like the game, we’re safe only when home.

While scribbling, a fleeting thought of the poem ‘Leisure’ just crossed my mind. And I realize that ‘Life’ has finally given us the time to breathe a bit and stare- stare into a scary, brutal present, the economic meltdown; stare into a transitional future where our planet is undergoing it’s much needed healing.

I hope we can truly heal as well, and be able to slow down a bit so that we never have to stop in this way. While we heal, I hope we can renew ourselves of the physical, mental and emotional hurt and pain and come out triumphant. I hope we’ve renewed old ties, learnt and upgraded in some form.

For now, STAY HOME! STAY SAFE!

Easter- Resurrection Sunday

Easter- Resurrection Sunday

I asked a colleague (read sunshine) to pen down a few words for our Easter greetings to the world, after she did so and got my approval, the other colleague (read morning glory) who enjoys seeing me under heaps of work, asked me to add to it and create a blog. ‘Just saying good, isn’t enough, we’d love to see you add your royal touch (read wise crack, better still ‘tadka’) in it.

At first I wondered, Easter blog… I’ve always only wished people with a few words/lines. However, I realised that this Easter deserved a whole blog post of its own, so here I go….

In our life today, filled with daily video chats, online presentations, deadlines etc. - we’ve all forgotten to acknowledge that Easter is hopping this way!

Easter season is about love and joy in abundance as is the efforts put in it to make it memorable. The Holy week that takes repentance to the next level leading into the last 4 days of religious rites. The traditional festive fervour in the neighborhood is heightened by the delicate aroma of some of the tastiest dishes. The zeal is infectious as families gather to decide the tentative Easter lunch, the upholstery and décor and all that goes into the Easter basket.

This year, though Holy week started on the same note, the weekend didn’t feel the same. Just as we got spiritually ready for the Easter service, we got to know that we lost a loved one to the pandemic.

This year, Easter is different. Virtual masses, spiritual Eucharist, telephonic wishes. We’re just maintaining safe distance so that our loved ones are safe, so that our city, country and the world is safe.

All those who are celebrating the festival and those that are not, it is a blessing to be sharing a wholesome meal with your family, to be with your loved ones, to be safe and nestled in the comforts of your homes for there are thousands who aren’t that fortunate!

As we celebrate Easter 2020, we see the world united for the first time at least in the last 4 decades of my life. We stand united in fear of an unknown tomorrow, not knowing if our world will withstand the devastating impact of COVID-19 yet with the hope of resurrecting from its devouring fangs.

Let’s all just pause and reflect back upon Jesus’ sacrifices and honor his resurrection from the graves as we all, irrespective of our caste, creed, religion- must hold hands and recognise this phenomena together and fill up our Easter baskets with eggs of joy, satisfaction, selflessness and most importantly, love.  

Let’s finally pray for our leaders rise to this challenge and share responsibility among each other while promoting unity, for the many who are grieving the loss of their loved ones, for the multitude fighting the virus and for the larger number to be enlightened and work with the government to fight the pandemic so that we all cross this tunnel of darkness together into the light of hope and a brighter tomorrow.

Let’s all begin to recognise our lovely and positive life, starting today; and live it even more beautifully because ‘Easter spells out beauty, the rare beauty of life.’

Sharing- An important value that helps growth!

Sharing is an important life skill.

Learning to share is vital, which is a challenge for many young children. They need to develop it as it is required while they cooperatively play and learn.

Sharing teaches compromise and to be fair, it teaches them to negotiate when required, to give and take and most importantly to cope with disappointment.

Young children are focused on their own feelings and want things they see for themselves. They need to be taught to share with grace. This skill needs to be developed slowly with utmost care and patience. However it needs to be developed, after all, this is the skill that we carry into adulthood.

Helping your child share means demonstrating the act yourself. After all, children do not listen to adults, they follow them.

1-    Encourage the child even if they snatched a toy and say something like, “I know you took it as it is so lovely and colorful. I’m sure ‘child No.2' wants it for the same reason. Would you like to give it to him to see and feel it as well? Then you can take turns and bring out another toy that can be used together. You can turn to the other child and say, I understand waiting is difficult, however, when you get the toy, you’re going to enjoy it more.

2-    Provide the emotional support the child may need. They are bound to get teary and feel disappointed. Children need to feel understood. It may be important to acknowledge their emotion and validate it. They will feel accepted.

3-    Help the child find a solution. Get them to talk to their siblings/friends and come up with ways to work out the situation. Here it is important to support both children. If we can encourage our children to be problem-solvers and create win-win situations, it will help them grow up to be compassionate and empathetic.

Some more things that can be done-

- Start sharing things with the family/friends in front of children so they can see that it is perfect to share. Also share with the child. You can start with sharing food or a book or a pencil with the child.

- Encourage and praise them for even an act of sharing that they’ve demonstrated.

- If they are reluctant to share, give them space and help and encourage them. Do not give up as it is difficult for them to share at first, slowly with time, they will learn and understand its importance. However remember not to get disappointed yourself and give up. You have to coax and cajole the child into sharing by demonstrating it even more. Talk about the benefits of having more toys when they share. Take them to libraries and toy stores where they have to share what they have in order to get what they want.

- If the child still doesn’t share, you may want to take the toy temporarily and not allow either child to play with it so they understand the consequence of it.

As they grow, most children learn to share especially when they want to use what another has.

So let’s be patient! Encourage and praise and let’s not give up. Let’s not make our children selfish else they may find it difficult to cope up when they grow.

Feedback- Is it necessary?

Over a month ago, a pleasant morning conversation over coffee with heads bobbing out of the newspaper started with the monsoon condition, moved on to the string of controversies over packaged food (that seemed to have surfaced after the instant noodle muddle)and continued with a healthy debate over the article in the Ascent about “30 DAYS AND GOING STRONG”- all about feedback to new employees after 30 days.  

There was a difference in opinion which always streams between Operations and Training, if I may say, and when they live under one roof, the discussion goes on even after a consensus is reached.

So that brings me to the prime question- Is feedback to an employee who is about 30 days old applicable?

To immediately answer that question, from a Learning and Development perspective, it is important and appropriate.

Let’s dwell more on this- The misconception of feedback is largely prevalent among many as being a process of correcting people when they go wrong. Some of our concerns with giving feedback so early are- the person is still learning, what is the use of feedback so soon? It is too early, let’s give them time and space to understand before we can correct them.

Feedback is not always about telling people where they go wrong, on the contrary, it is an ongoing process to create openness and transparency; to inform people what they are doing right and what isn’t going well and how they can improve. Giving and receiving feedback builds trust, removes interpersonal barriers, and can guide people toward higher performance, thereby accelerating ones’ career.

Understanding that the first few days of work are always loaded with excitement, anxiety and aspirations, it is nice to make the employee feel welcomed, checking on them about their development, guiding them through their initial hiccups etc. are always good for the organization as also for the manager.  In fact, the 30-day feedback is gaining momentum in many organizations.

Feedback should be positive and this must be given to people to make them comfortable and valued. It is rewarding for people to know that they are making a difference, however small it may be. Feedback needs to be specific toward a positive outcome instead of being a general comment which is usually made. When feedback is given immediately after the action has occurred, chances are people will acknowledge, accept and improve if it is an area of improvement; whereas, if positive, they will be motivated. Productive feedback requires giving it frequently.

Remember, negative feedback puts people on the defense and that can start the blame-game.

However the context of the feedback, always follow it up with corrective, suggested solutions. Feedback is incomplete without an outcome or solution as there is a possibility that the receiver didn’t know the right way and may need help with it. A follow-up to know if the receiver is on the right track and has understood things is important and needs to be scheduled rather immediately.

A cherished experience

Everything that begins must come to an end and so has my journey with an Engineering Consultation Firm I started work with 5 months ago on Effective Communication- a 3-month journey that extended to 5 due to unavoidable circumstances.

I remember the first day…I was welcomed by some skeptical gazes, some rebellious, some full of anxiety, yet all co-operative at the word; GO!

This workshop was my first full-fledged journey into Facilitation, with a lot of Drama and Improv techniques- which I've learnt in the latter half of last year. (I could say thank you all my life to the person (I consider my mentor) who introduced me to these wonderful tools and techniques but it'll never be enough, so here I am implementing one thing at a time, extending my journey slowly and steadily toward a more confident self.

This course was extensive, well designed keeping in mind the audience(mid to senior management) who needed development in all areas of Communication- verbal as well as written. This module had a lot of hands-on activities which churned around participants from the initial fear of facing the audience to be able to speak in relatively simple English.

Right from developing a shared vision, to relating with developing Ownership, from Basic English Exercises to extensive verbal practices using a lot of Improv techniques to a few Drama ones, from knowing e-mail etiquette, demonstrating them to writing rigorous emails, the team grew leaps and bound and seem to have enjoyed every session.

Post the 5 months, I saw convinced looks full of trust, joy and confidence. The feedback I received was tremendous. That last day saw cheerful faces full of gratitude- gratitude that touched the heart with warmth and satisfaction. The last few moments with the group was full of chatter, songs, a truck load of thank you…. a brief yet memorable celebration with a gorgeous token of appreciation.

As for me, I thoroughly enjoyed every session with the team, who made me their friend, mentor & guide.

With a wonderful feeling, I left that place!